BRIDE BLOG #6: SIX WEDDING WEIGHT LOSS TIPS (BECAUSE NO ONE LIKES A FAT BRIDE)

Dear bride-to-be,

Congratulations on your engagement! You worked hard at achieving that slim body and hey presto, result! There’s a ring on your finger (oh, and someone who put it there). It was all worth it, huh?

So, what you did was great and you should be proud. But girl, we need to keep going! Bruno’s “Just The Way You Are” might have been played during your proposal, but it was under the unspoken but reasonable agreement that you would be a little skinnier/your historical skinniest on your wedding day. After all, it’s what we all do…and what your guests are expecting, too (no one likes a fat bride, am I right?!)

Don’t panic though: we’re here to help.  Here are some tips to help you reach that Skinny Beautiful Bride look.

Prioritise

First things first: you’ve got the groom, the dress and the ring. If weight loss isn’t your number one priority now…WHATAREYOUTHINKING?! Get yourself together, woman. Focus your energy on weight loss: we’ll help you remember by making sure about 40% of all material aimed at brides focuses on weight loss tips.

Make use of your accountability partners

Everyone will be asking you, as you plan your wedding, how things are going. Why not use this opportunity to tell people about your weight loss journey? This will keep the pressure on: you don’t want people to think you’re behind or worse, that you’ll be a fat bride! Think of the big day, too…”you look SO slim” are the sweetest words you will (potentially) hear. Will you deserve them?

Get busy, don’t eat

The months before your wedding will be pretty busy: work, wedding planning, parties, house visits. Make the most of this and skip a few meals. Enjoy being busy…the distraction will mean you won’t even notice the hunger pangs!

Buy a small dress

Make sure your dress is at least two sizes too small. This will motivate you: it’s the only day you’ll get to wear it, and you don’t want to be spilling out of it on your perfect day, do you? Shop assistants will help you with this as they’ll be used to ordering tiny dresses for big girls, so don’t worry. They’re here to help, too!

Think of the children

Your guests will get to experience the vows, the music, the candles, the food…but their memories will fade. The pictures, however, will remain and you’ll see them on Facebook before the day is over. You don’t want to have to spend your honeymoon untagging yourself! Also, you’ll be sharing them with your great-grandchildren. You don’t want them to be embarrassed about your bingo wings or lack of prominent collarbone, do you?

Last resort

If you find yourself with a few weeks to go and still, your dress won’t zip up, we have found a solution that you will love. The K-E diet will provide you with 800 carb-free calories per day for 10 days and will only set you back $1,000. The best bit? Your calories are fed to you via the insertion of a nasogastric tube through the nose, down the oesophagus and into the stomach…so it’s one less thing to worry about!

Head down, weight down! We’re rooting for you.*

Us xoxo

*not really. We need to convince you, once again, that you aren’t good enough so that you keep us in business. Magazines, DVDs, programmes, equipment, pills…and if those don’t work, extra make-up, hair products, clothes and whatever else you need to at least improve something about you. We know you need it. Right?

These are all actual things I have come across as a bride-to-be in magazines and on websites, and in conversation with other women who are getting or have already got married. It is INSANE. And it needs to stop. Dan proposed to me because he loves me and who I am – and guess what, he also likes the way I look…already! It doesn’t make sense to spend engagement trying to change the way we look. We are not more or less ‘bride-like’ if we are bigger or smaller. Let’s be healthy – in body and in mind.

Ps: I am all for feeling and looking our best, on and not on our wedding days. Here are my top beauty hacks! Let’s face it though: a pretty dress, hair & make-up done, a smile because you’re marrying your best friend…brides (and grooms – the pressure does, seemingly increasingly, come into play for them too!) do tend to look nice, usually.

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One response to “BRIDE BLOG #6: SIX WEDDING WEIGHT LOSS TIPS (BECAUSE NO ONE LIKES A FAT BRIDE)

  1. Pingback: BRIDE BLOG #15: 10 wedding-day tips | gemmaruthwilson{dot}com·

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