Thanks for your response to yesterday’s post. I’ve really enjoyed the conversation and think it’s an important one to have.

What I was intent on doing yesterday was to dispel myths I had come across that I believed to be unhelpful – that have been in my life or that I’ve seen be difficult for others.

However, I think in seeking to do that and redress the balance, I got a little lopsided.

What I mean is this: your choice of a mate is just that – a choice. But you can take that too far. You could use the minimalistic criteria I gave and choose to ‘make it work’ with an awful lot of people. This leaves something out of the equation (not a formula!) though. Based on who he is, my fiancé is a GREAT choice and the only one I want to choose. But there’s more.

That thing that makes you want to choose the person.

The way you feel about the person that is different to the way you have felt about anyone else.

Things that make sense for the first time.

I remember my old boss talking about this: you can meet someone who ticks every box on your list (please don’t write a list), but at the end of the day, you need to ‘fancy the person’s socks off’. He wasn’t only referring to physical attraction (which could be in that list). He was describing that unique sense of desire, the thoughts and feelings that seem to scream for you to “CHOOSE HIM!”

Some people also add to this compatibility and suitability of timing and situation.

You will find that. I know singleness/the search or desire to find ‘The One’ can bring about difficult times. And I know that when someone tells you it’s all about choice, you feel pressure – can’t you just choose someone and make it work? Do you have to settle*? Should it be really hard work from the beginning?

I used to stress out about this. Having concluded that love was about choice, I thought I should maybe just try to find someone to choose.


‘Logic’ AND ‘magic’.

There is something that makes your love special. Choice enriches it and commitment fortifies it – the first time and every time after that.

* Be reasonable. You may need to “settle” for a different hair colour. It’s OK: I’ve done it and I love Dan’s luscious locks.


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