I promised myself to never again look like what I look like in that photo.
I’ll be different, next time. Next month, next dress, next glimpse. I need to – and will – change. Out comes the well-worn vanity case of to-do’s. Tighten this, lose this, dye this, wear this.
Right now is tense because back then wasn’t right and one day will be better.
We are taught, you and I, to work on ourselves. We are projects. Self-improving models of not-quite-there-yet. We’ll be beautiful, one day. We’ll be enough, one day. One day, we’ll get there.
But for now: shhh…silence, shrink, fade a little. This perpetual boot camp is our home.
It is what encages our thoughts and feeds our insecurities and bounds our living.
It is also home to billions of dollars’ worth of cosmetics and fitness and marketing and fashion and “lifestyle”…all sold to us along with the lie that we are not good enough yet. This mascara will lengthen your too-short eyelashes, this diet will slim down your too-big body, this necklace will pretty-up your too-boring style. Because today you aren’t, but tomorrow you might be.
No more. I am not going to waste any more minutes of my todays working on myself for my tomorrows. I am allowed to be, I choose to be, and I am: good & enough & beautiful…today.