Dear fellow singletons,
1. Being single is not your identity. I’m sorry for using the word ‘singleton’ there. I will henceforth and forevermore refrain from referring to us as ‘singles’ or ‘singletons’. This is not who we are. Hello, your name is not Single. You are single, you are not Single. It is simply a relationship status. Right, out of the terminology discussion and into the fun stuff…
2. Being single does not make you half a person. We somehow have accepted the notion that single people are Tesco Value products and only becomes Tesco’s Finest when they are married. (For those joining us stateside, Tesco = popular grocery store). We, apparently, are caterpillars waiting for rings on our fingers to turn us into butterflies. We are lost souls, wandering the earth in search of the magical person – who ALWAYS seems to run across a beach in slow motion – to make us whole. Ah, our other half. Cute…but not accurate. Yes, of course marriage is good. Yes, of course you marry someone who complements you and with whom you ‘fit’. But no, sorry, as scientifically interesting as it would make you…you were not born half a person.
3. Being single does not automatically = unhappy. The other day in conversation, someone brought up Rebecca St. James, a singer/songwriter whose journey of singleness was documented by the media and whose recent marriage was celebrated by “Wait for Me” fans worldwide. The person I spoke to, recounting her story, said she waited, she got married and was now happy. Wait – only now? Getting married/being in a serious intimate relationship makes you happy? Sure it does. But you do not wait for marriage to make you happy. There are lots of other things to enjoy; and similarly, you will not always feel ‘happy’ when you are married (just have a conversation with a married friend).
4. Being single does not make you sedate hidden treasure on a pirate’s map. What I mean is this: single people, and especially females, are told “he’s out there somewhere…he’ll find you when he’s ready.” You are then expected to freeze, try to maintain your youthful looks and always be on the look-out ‘just in case he’s there’…WHAT?! Get a life, literally. You will find each other whilst you live.
5. Being single does not make you a slow-cooking chocolate cake. I HATE hearing people tell single people they aren’t married ‘because God mustn’t think they are ready’. Single people are not single because there is something horribly wrong with them; and they must not be made to feel that they are less than others, less ready, less able, less fill-in-the-blank: we are all works in progress and different people’s lives are timed differently for many reasons.
6. Being single does not make you useless. Nor does it make you unimportant. Don’t assume you are second-rate because there is no-one on your arm or no plus one next to your name on that invitation. You have something to say and something to contribue to the world. In fact, this stage of life is one in which we are blessed with time and energy and focus – you are very useful. You are not without a purpose, either: THAT doesn’t begin when you are married. You are in it, now.
7. Being single does not make you not-wonderful. A (married) friend recently told a (single) friend of mine that she hoped she knew she was amazing and that soon she’d find someone who’d tell her that. Oh, that’s right. Single people of the world, remember this: in order to realise you’re amazing, you must be told by someone – don’t have confidence in yourself. Your amazing potential is simply waiting to be awakened by this glorious future partner of yours. For the record: that is not truth. No…you are of worth because YOU ARE of worth.
8. Being single does not mean you are desperate to get married right this very second. But that’s for another time.
P.S.: I’m away to paint my toe-nails a luxurious deep cherry red. Point 9: just because “no one sees them” doesn’t mean I can’t do it.
P.P.S.: the title is the only way in which this post is applicable only to women. Guys, thank you for your input: I’m not leaving you out.